Ups and downs…
These past few weeks have been very mixed – lots of highs and lows. It started when there were 3 bomb scares – 2 of them near my office in the city and one on route to the city from my office in Subiaco. Fortunately I was working from home that day – as I do once a week to help me better manage my stress
I was in quite a state to say the least. With many tears, I could not face the thought of going into the city the next day. I had meetings I had to attend and not showing up was not an option if I wanted to keep my job. I felt like such a wimp and that I should not be reacting this way but these kinds of things are way up there – about 9 or 10 – on my stress meter
I have narrowly missed bombs a few times in my life – at least 4 occasions – the closest one being when I was at the movies and the movie house next to mine was bombed. My place of work was bombed – thankfully we were not there at the time. So as much progress as I have made over the last past 10 months, these events put me back in a state of high alert
My therapist said she would be surprised if I had not reacted and gave me a safe space to deal with the emotion. She has reinforced my mindfulness exercises and gave me something to consider going forward. I am so grateful for the wisdom she passes on to me. It took much prayer and encouragement to get me back to work and the city in particular – but I did it. I felt pathetic that some friends and family were congratulating me and saying ‘well done’ for going to work but appreciate that they understand that, for me, it was an achievement
A year ago I stepped down from leading the singing in church. I was having panic attacks some days in church and could never predict when one might hit. This past week, I led again. I was terrified but used some of the tools I have been given to calm down and continue. It may take a while for me to feel comfortable but it’s progress
I know I just have to get up more times than I fall down. I am learning how to take care of me, and to have time-outs in my day to get perspective back; to take slow deep breaths; to change my thoughts. I am exceedingly thankful for the people I have in my life who help in this journey – I feel like I don’t deserve some of them but am glad for the part they play in my life.
My precious Su! This blog is as always written so honest and real and that is always so refreshing! I can’t imagine how hard it was to face going into work with those things affecting you! But you did! And yes we are proud of you!
And I am sooooo excited to hear that you leading worship again! You are an anointed worshiper my friend! And I am so blessed that you doing what part of your calling is!
And you just keep getting up my friend! You are such an amazing inspiration!
Love you!
Ang
Xxx