Enforced solitude…
I have been without my car for over a week now. I actually thought it would great – I am fortunate enough to be able to work from homes when the need arises. I can shop for groceries online – all good.
I have found it hard though. It’s one thing to isolate myself when I know I can break the solitude at any given moment, but quite another when I am more or less stuck. My inability to use public transport at busy times keeps me somewhat isolated. Monday is a public holiday here which means I will be without my car an extra day – probably only getting it back Wednesday.
Strangely, I feel vulnerable without my car. Perhaps that’s because my anxiety has kicked up a notch these past few weeks. In the last 2 weeks I have had 3 days where I could not get out of bed. The first, I had to take a day off work and the other 2 were over the weekend. I have almost no energy and can hardly sleep due to nightmares and insomnia. At least these days help me to catch up on some much needed rest as I read and nap.
Being an introvert, it is not easy for me at the best of time to ask for help, but even more so when I am to tired and emotionally drained. I retreat to a place of apparent safety which is not always healthy for me. I have, of late, been able to force myself out – even if it is only to do my grocery shopping – so not having my car is not helpful right now. This weekend I am missing a couple of meetups which I would have ventured out to.
So today, I am trying to practice some mindfulness and get some humour in in the hopes that I can shift the gloom. I am doing the best I know how to move once again out of survival mode.
I’ll be there soon, you will laugh all the time. I’m still as silly as ever. Love you,
My precious friend!
Love your honest blog writings! It’s so refreshing! I am so sad that you have had times where you could not get our of bed because of how you feeling.
I know what you mean when you speak about the difference of choosing solitude and forced solitude.
At one stage for 7 years I was stuck at home when we only had the one car and Frikkie worked late every night.
I found myself putting worship on and having Secret Place times with my Heavenly Daddy. And I grew closer to Him in that time.
You now me when I worship. I and passionate. So I would just do my thing and let go and worship Him. Laying prostrate on the floor, laughing, crying, just being that worshiper that He is seeking. One that worships in Spirit and in Truth!
I am going to pray that God send some special friends to come visit with you at your home! And if not that He will visit you in an experiencial way!
You are very precious to me, and I wish I was close I would hop onto that bed of yours, and we would have lekka chats and laughs! We could take your guitar and you play and we can worship harmonising!
I pray you feel better my friend! Knowing that you are loved!!
Love Ang
Xxx
You are such an inspiration to me and many others my friend! Love you dearly! With all my heart! All the way from Cape Town!