Setback or progress?
About five years ago, I began to sleep without a nightlight for the first time. It was huge. I could actually sleep in a darkened room unafraid. Now I am back to using a nightlight. I have been getting little sleep these past few months, due to nightmares and flashbacks, so I resorted to using my nightlight again. It reminds of the words in Amy Grant’s song ‘Ask me’. (Still she leaves the light burning in the hall, it’s hard to sleep at all)
Coincidently, my sister Lorna, messaged me to say she thought I should try a nightlight after a message she heard at church. The timing was amazing as I had just started using one again. I love that she cares enough to suggest it.
To be honest, I have felt like this is a step backwards – and yes, I shed a few tears – but I need to sleep so am doing it anyway. After talking to my therapist, it got me thinking about whether it really is a step backwards or if it is just another level in my recovery. Not sure I have the answer right now, but I am doing what I must do to make the days more bearable. She does not want me to try anti-anxiety meds until after my leave (which starts next week) to see if the 5 weeks away from work will have an affect. I am hoping the time off does as I don’t want to take meds if I can avoid it.
Sometimes taking a step back allows you to move forward again so maybe this is all that is – I am hoping so as I work towards being able to switch the nightlight off again.