It’s a new year
It’s a new year and I am thankful for it. I started last year with a feeling of hopelessness. There seemed to be no end in sight to my PTSD and I was losing the will to live.
Work for the first nine months was a see-saw of ‘we have work for you; no we don’t”. I was constantly on edge, wondering if I would be retrenched. I had chosen Forgive as my word for the year with no idea how it would be a life changing decision as I consciously made the choice to forgive and let go.
I had planned a reading list for the year but ended up not reading most of my intended list. Instead I got stuck on two books that changed everything for me and weren’t even on my original list. Through them I learned a great deal about myself and they also aided in my quest to forgive. To be honest, I only made real progress in the last few months of the year. For most of the year I thought about dying a a lot and am so thankful for the people in my life who could see the signs and often intervened, particularly my friend D and the group of ladies she rallied to walk part way of my journey with me. I owe you my life.
The year was tough but ended it with me feeling hopeful. Between the work I did internally and my therapy, I finished the year feeling hopeful. For the first time in my life, I believe I can be totally free of PTSD which I have had to some degree since I was a teenager. I have some way to go yet, but I am nearing the end of this struggle. I have not been able to do it alone and will be forever thankful for the help I have had along the way; for those who have given me the tools to not only cope and survive, but also to begin to thrive a well.
My word for 2018 is Hope. It has been popping up in various forms in the past few weeks and seems appropriate. Please remind me that I have hope if I start to doubt it. And again, a heartfelt thanks to those who have not let me go this past year.