{"id":405,"date":"2018-12-31T11:17:00","date_gmt":"2018-12-31T11:17:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/solosurvior.com\/?p=405"},"modified":"2018-12-31T11:17:00","modified_gmt":"2018-12-31T11:17:00","slug":"2018","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/solosurvior.com\/?p=405","title":{"rendered":"2018"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Happy New Year. What a year it has been! At the start of the year, I was in a very dark and confusing place but I am finishing the year with hope. If you had told me then all that you were dreaming. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Through the years work has been the one stable, constant thing in my life, but all that changed when my company merged with another to form a new company. We moved office, colleagues left or moved inter-state and I felt rudderless and ineffective. I went from being very busy to having almost no work at all. Work was no longer a safe space for me. For someone who does not like change, there was too much at once. Most of my clients are now over east or in New Zealand so I start work very early in the morning to get more than a couple hours a day time overlap. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I felt disconnected from family and friends. I dropped out of the music team at church and suddenly felt I didn\u2019t fit anywhere anymore. This is a really hard place to be in. I was questioning everything – work, my relationships and even my faith. But I just kept going – doing what I do to try to move forward. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Early September, I felt the need to go and see my mum. Only problem with that was, I hadn\u2019t been able to get on a plane for 4 years. In fact, the very thought of it made me anxious, and visiting mum meant 4 plane rides as there is no direct flight from here to there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For months, I had intentionally trying not to do the \u201cmust\u201d and \u201cshould\u201d, trying instead to do the \u2018I want to\u2019. This need to go and see mum was not from a sense of duty – a \u2018should\u2019 – it was a \u2018want to\u2019, which left me in a quandary. How do I get on the plane? Add to that the fact that I have to be frisked every time I go through a security scanner because of my knee replacement. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My counsellor gave me some strategies for the journey, and miraculously, I survived the trip with no panic attacks. I came close but was able to employ these strategies and ward of the panic. My previous blog post details some of that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was home for a week and still very jet-lagged, when I was told I had to travel for work. The short version is that I had to do 4 business trips (8 flights) and although it was tough, I made it. I honestly believe I would not have been able to do so had I not learnt to manage the anxiety on the long flights to and from the U.K. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the end of the fourth trip, which involved numerous delays and long days, I decided I wasn\u2019t going to leave the house again for at least a week, maybe two. I had already done a grocery shop online, to be delivered my first morning home, so didn\u2019t need to go out for anything. I was physically, emotionally and mentally drained. But once I thought about all I had \u2018survived\u2019 in the past couple of months, I was determined not to let the anxiety win, so I ventured out. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the middle of all this, I as sent for a heart scan as the doctor was concerned about some of my symptoms. The results were really good and I have a very healthy heart thankfully. So now we could treat the anxiety and mall hernia they discovered in my chest. The medication is working well and the symptoms have diminished considerably. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am not ready to hop on a plane again anytime soon, but at least now I know I can. I am so different to what I was at the start of the year. I can smile again, laugh more and I am even beginning to sleep a ;title better. I still have a ways to go, but I have hope now. I can beat this thing called PTSD. I am so very grateful for the help I had along the way this year. I would not have made without those who came alongside me and cheered me on. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So as this year closes, and new one begins, I have hope and a more positive outlook for the days ahead. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Happy New Year. What a year it has been! At the start of the year, I was in a very dark and confusing place but I am finishing the year with hope. If you had told me then all that…
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