{"id":479,"date":"2021-06-04T10:41:30","date_gmt":"2021-06-04T10:41:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/solosurvior.com\/?p=479"},"modified":"2021-06-04T10:41:30","modified_gmt":"2021-06-04T10:41:30","slug":"the-apology","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/solosurvior.com\/?p=479","title":{"rendered":"The apology…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I am so used to people giving me their opinion on how I should feel or think or what I am supposed to \u2018learn\u2019 from my past, that I tend to tune it out. I nod and agree, and sigh inwardly in frustration. I know they mean well and from their point of view it may seem obvious they are offering sage advice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is why I was blown away by the apology I received. My friend sent the above quote and apologised if she had ever told me to look at the lessons I could learn from the traumas I have experienced. Sometimes there is no lesson to learn – it was just a crappy thing that happened and you have to learn to live with the after affects and begin to heal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have been told countless times to smile, or fake it till you make it and many other clich\u00e9s. I learned very early on in life not to express my feelings; to mask the pain; not to show weakness of any kind. Vulnerability was my enemy. Truth be told, I now realise that not being vulnerable is to be very alone. Not sharing your pain, your joys, your hopes and dreams keeps you in a mundane existence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dr Caroline Leaf says that when we do the whole ‘fake it till you make it’ thing, we are actually damaging our brains – even if what we are saying sounds good. I am learning to own my truth and even to speak my truth and it is changing my life. I have a couple of people I can be totally honest with and I am so grateful for them – they do not judge or try to set me straight according to their point of view.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is so easy to judge and be critical of another’s journey but that is so unhelpful. I am learning that love is a better way. Extending grace is more helpful than any advice we may have – it also helps us to grow and allows the other person to heal just a little easier than our attitudes or opinions can.\u00a0 I don’t think we can ‘walk a mile in another person’s shoes’. I am not saying we don’t have empathy but there is no way I can truly know what you have experienced and how you think and feel about it. I cannot dictate how you should behave or assume the steps I took to heal will be the same for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So back to the apology – for someone to acknowledge they made a mistake is huge. It has given me a freedom I didn’t even know I needed, and I am grateful. I feel safer with that person than ever before and we all need someone like that in our lives. Let’s be kinder, more patient\u00a0 and more loving with one another.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am so used to people giving me their opinion on how I should feel or think or what I am supposed to \u2018learn\u2019 from my past, that I tend to tune it out. I nod and agree, and sigh…
Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-479","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/solosurvior.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/479","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/solosurvior.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/solosurvior.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/solosurvior.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/solosurvior.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=479"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/solosurvior.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/479\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":481,"href":"https:\/\/solosurvior.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/479\/revisions\/481"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/solosurvior.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=479"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/solosurvior.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=479"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/solosurvior.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=479"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}