Love yourself…
I am reading Jordan Peterson’s book, 12 Rules for life. Rule 2 says care for yourself in the same way you care for those who you are responsible for. Or as the good book says – love others as you love yourself. I think I like Peterson’s advice better, because, let’s be honest, most of us are not good at loving ourselves.
If I loved others like I do myself, it would not be great for them. It would entail a lot of neglect, loathing and not much care at all. I don’t care about my clothes, how I look, what I eat, or getting enough exercise. I see in myself what you don’t. I tend not to offer myself the same grace I would extend to you.
But what if I am just believing a lie about myself. What if I believe deep down, I am unlovable, therefore I am not worth the effort, even though there is plenty of evidence to the contrary. What if I can begin to see myself in the same way those that love me do?
My therapist (and my friend M) has challenged me to find ways to love myself. Starting with something small every day an building from there. M suggests I give my mirror image a high five every morning or maybe in the evening for surviving another day intact. But seriously, what if I just starting doing what I would for a friend – treating myself with the same kindness.
Peterson posits that to treat yourself as if you were someone you are responsible for helping is to consider what would be truly good for you. This may not be what you want and may also not be what would make you happy. Being happy is by no means synonymous with good. For example it may make me happy to take out every night but not necessarily good for either my health or my wallet. Exercise may not make me happy but it is good for me. Sometimes what is good for me also makes me happy.
Doing unto others as you would have them do to you or loving your neighbour as yourself have nothing to do with being nice. Carl Jung points out that you need to embrace and love the sinner, who is yourself, as much as forgiving and aiding someone who is stumbling and imperfect.
In rule number four Peterson says you must see yourself as a stranger and then you must get to know yourself. Ask these questions. What is it that you actually love? What is it that you genuinely want? How do you need to be spoken to? What are you putting up with? Do you negotiate fairly with yourself or are you a tyrant, with yourself as a slave?
I think this may be the starting point in learning to love yourself. I find I do not know how to answer many questions such as how does this make you feel? What are your goals and the latest one being What are you going to do in retirement? I guess that proves his point that I need to get to know myself first.