Meet grief…
Let me introduce you to grief. Sometimes she lurks in the background, trying not to be noticed. You may not even realize she is there as she silently follows you around as unobtrusive as a shadow. She often waits for you to be alone before she gently, almost reluctantly, slips closer. No matter how unintrusive she tries to be, she cannot be ignored, and you, surprisingly, find your cheeks are wet from tears you did not know you were shedding. You wonder how long she has been there before you noticed her.
Other times, he storms in, unannounced, uninvited and rarely at a convenient time. He makes you angry as he crushes dreams and destroys unrealised potential. There is little you can do to calm him down until his rage is spent and you are left with a mess you didn’t ask for or know how to manage. There is no gentleness in him, no willingness to make things easier for you. He is cruel and demanding of your attention.
Grief is rarely polite; does not wait for an invitation; ignores your schedule. A smell, a song, a place, a picture are all it takes to summon grief’s unwelcome presence. Sometimes, you can sit in comfortable silence with her as you share these sacred moments of loss as you remember the life, the love, the loss.
Other times you have to scream, rage and rail at the seemingly unfairness of it all. You ugly cry with loud, uncontrollable sobs. No matter how Grief appears, ignoring them is futile. They are now an unseen part of your life
The more time you spend with grief, the more resigned you become to her presence; the less he agitates you as you accept he is part of the norm now. Some days, Grief is quieter than others and you almost form a standoff of sorts.
Grief may fade but will never completely leave your life. It’s your relationship with Grief that changes.