Begin again…
It was a tough year sprinkled with moments of joy, laughter and rest; with more lows than highs. 2025 began in terror for me. My PTSD was off the charts and I did not leave the house for about 4 weeks – not even to go into my garden. It caught me by surprise, as I had been doing well for some time. An accumulation of events pushed me over the edge.
My very good friend and writing buddy, has continually pushed me from my comfort zone and helped me to leave the house more and more. Instead having our writing dates at my house, we began meeting at a coffee shop each week so I had to leave the house at least once a week. While I was out, I would do my shopping if I needed to. I have made new friends and lost old ones; had moments of courage and many more lacking courage; had many sleepless nights and few restful ones.
After the election results in March, I felt like God had finally abandoned Australia. I have had a sense of despair ever since and battled to see or feel any hope. Some days, getting out of bed is my greatest achievement.
Every year for the month of December, I listen to Christmas carols. I add to my play list as I find different versions of some of the old favourites. As I was listening to one of the old carols, I heard these words:
And in despair I bowed my head: “There is no peace on earth,” I said, “For hate is strong and mocks the song Of peace on earth, good will to men.”
This is from “I heard the bells on Christmas day”. Thankfully the carol does not stop there but it does perfectly describe how I have been feeling these past few weeks, (or even longer, to be honest) especially since the terrorist attack at Bondi. This is not the Australia I moved to nearly 28 years ago. After years of visible division and hatred on our streets, gone unchecked, this is where we are. It is hard to see how things will change or improve.
As the new year looms, just a few short hours away, I sense the need to shift my focus. If my hope is in men (or women), I will be disappointed. The carol goes on to say: Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: “God is not dead, nor doth he sleep”. This can be my only source of hope going into the new year. Thankfully I am not finishing the year as I started it. In 7 months time, I can retire should I wish to do so. My house will be paid off, and a new chapter begins. I hope to read all of my unread books before adding to them and find new ways to occupy my time outside of work.
A new year is the chance to begin again with a clean slate. So, happy new year and may you choose joy, and fun and meaning in the next 365 days. Some advice from the good book, fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and pure, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent.
My friend, praying that this new year brings you a clear mind and a life filled with the knowledge that God loves you. That you are not alone. you have friends that care far and near and you have a God who loved you unconditionally.
Here’s a big hug from me. Think about you often. Much love from the Wild Coast of Africa. Xxx