I have been without my car for over a week now. I actually thought it would great – I am fortunate enough to be able to work from homes when the need arises. I can shop for groceries online – all good.
I have found it hard though. It’s one thing to isolate myself when I know I can break the solitude at any given moment, but quite another when I am more or less stuck. My inability to use public transport at busy times keeps me somewhat isolated. Monday is a public holiday here which means I will be without my car an extra day – probably only getting it back Wednesday.
Strangely, I feel vulnerable without my car. Perhaps that’s because my anxiety has kicked up a notch these past few weeks. In the last 2 weeks I have had 3 days where I could not get out of bed. The first, I had to take a day off work and the other 2 were over the weekend. I have almost no energy and can hardly sleep due to nightmares and insomnia. At least these days help me to catch up on some much needed rest as I read and nap.
Being an introvert, it is not easy for me at the best of time to ask for help, but even more so when I am to tired and emotionally drained. I retreat to a place of apparent safety which is not always healthy for me. I have, of late, been able to force myself out – even if it is only to do my grocery shopping – so not having my car is not helpful right now. This weekend I am missing a couple of meetups which I would have ventured out to.
So today, I am trying to practice some mindfulness and get some humour in in the hopes that I can shift the gloom. I am doing the best I know how to move once again out of survival mode.